Hails from Long Island (but not the rich part), this hapless, pseudo-environmentalist really just wants to live the dream. She has crushed on Benjamin Golden, AKA "Goldie," since spotting him at a high-holiday service in the mid-nineties. Desperately wants to ditch her V-card. Any Takers?

Heart (and libido) of gold. Back home in the southern sticks, gentlemen callers were lined 'round the block for a piece of this Fanny. Is the first member of her family...and county, to go to college.

Hails from China...town. Lynn puts on a quasi-offensive, fabricated "immigrant" accent when under pressure, which is nearly all the time. Accent charade leads her to find her home in the theatre.

Sophomore member of Alpha Roofie Ep fraternity. Loved by many...whose names and faces remain a mystery to him. Loves his lava lamp and to fall asleep strumming "Imagine" on his vintage guitar. Arch-nemesis of goodie two-shoes Nate.

Sophomore, Alpha Roofie Ep fraternity brother & devoted sidekick to Goldie. Eddie is a fantastic quilter and founder of seven Jeff Goldblum fan forums.

Sophomore Resident Assistant, and arch nemesis of Goldie. Formerly best friends, an incident over pledge Alpha Roofie Ep freshman year tore them apart. He isn’t allowed to fall for Frosh.

Best thing to come out of Munich since BMW, Elle marched herself into the heart of her roomate & new BFF Julie Green. She melts any preconceptions with her infectious smile, and endless supply of falsies.

She would be a snob if she sat back and thought about it…which she doesn't. She watched her father leave her mother for Chaquita the maid. Searching for her dream, thinks she found it in the sorority STD.

Dean lives in a garage apartment in the house he used to own (now inhabited by his ex-wife and her handsome, younger husband) and drives an El Camino to the office where he presides over the newest class of Freshman with inept finesse. Claim to fame: an affair with fiery comedian Kathy Griffith, which may or may have not left her 3 months pregnant. (Girl sure don't look it!)

Homeless, but don’t say it to her face, or she’ll shiv you with her toenail.

Homeless. Before the troubles, she was a voodoo priestess in Nawlins with a taste for titty crackers and large black men. When those plans got all wet, she hitchhiked up north along with BFF Street Meat.

Naomi's handsome Ex beau who shows up to the rescue when life starts to get a little too real for a girl from Malibu. Postponed first year of college to travel to the exotic locations including Iceland (to look for Bjork), the moon (to look for the man in it...) and Celebration, Florida (He loves to ride Big Thunder Mountain Railroad). Favorite pastimes include spending time with his maid/piano player/half-sister, chewing gum and polluting.